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Alienation of Revenues – Deconstructing Your Business via Customer No Service
Date: 08-13-2007
By Lea Strickland, F.O.C.U.S. Resources
By Lea Strickland, CMA CFM CBM
President - F.O.C.U.S. Resources
Guest Columnist Contribution:
The host of a national radio program on consumer issues repeatedly and consistently refers to “customer no service.” That happens when consumers buy a product or a service which fails to “perform.” and ultimately receive one of several results. They are
- Ignored
- Repeatedly ignored
- Billed, bullied, and abused
- Given the three finger salute (absent two fingers)
- Told “it’s not us, it’s you"
- Held for hours in line, on-line, on the telephone…searching desperately searching for… someone who cares
My most recent experience in alienation through customer service came from a big box home improvement store…the blue one, not the orange one. The vehicle a dishwasher, a top-of-the-line dishwasher from that company whose repairman used to be sitting around with nothing to do. Okay, you’ve filled in the blanks.
Now settle in for a trying tale (and quite long), but bear with me on this…there is a moral to the story….
The dishwasher was purchased and installed and billed with a speed that rivals all models of efficiency. No obstacles were insurmountable, no time was wasted. My hard earned dollars were in their bank account and cha-chinging in a mere twinkling of an eye. The delivery and installation wasn’t far behind. The installer, a master of his craft – cheerful, professional, and (shock!) early… oh for those good ole days of optimism and a working dishwasher!
Time flows by…and the steam begins to rise out of the top of the dishwasher door. No fear – guaranteed, warranty…parts, service, installation…a simple phone call…an easily scheduled appointment. (Now prepare to keep score!) Two employees of the subcontractor (let’s call them WW2MSYAL – also known as We Want to Make Sure You Aren’t Lying) come by to say. “Yes, you are correct. Steam isn’t supposed to come out the top of the door! But we can’t fix it. Our job is to call…TDWOC – The Dishwasher Warranty Option Company. We call them and they send someone to take care of this.
Okay. Not the most efficient of methods, but okay, I can understand. Similar to triage in a war zone…assess the patient and determine which field doctor is best suited to the task.
One day, two day, three day, four...oh TDWOC walks in the door Now be sure you are ready to up the score. He says he’s sorry, but he has seen this before. It isn’t his dishwasher and it isn’t the door. A bad installation, that’s what it is… can’t help you; let me call service man number four.
One day, two day, three day, four, another and another and still no repair for the door. Not a call. Not a clue. I’m sorry, but we are big box home improvement and we can do nothing for you. It’s the plumber, yes it is. He needs to come. And finally one day he did.
The plumber/installer actually knows what to do. He arrives on time and even early. He looks at the dishwasher. He looks at the steam. He looks at the floor. He looks at the door. No water is dripping. No appliance is tipping. No water is leaking. No excuse is he seeking. He points at the gasket. He points at the steam. It isn’t the plumbing. It isn’t his job. The first two were right – the dishwasher is wrong.
A call to the store gets me once more back on the schedule for the perfect pair (of what I’m not sure) to see that I’m not lying to them. The dishwasher door is the problem once more.
Now on round two there is more steam than before. But I’m sure it isn’t solely from the top of the dishwasher door!
Round two was commenced and we went round again...defective appliance – it’s the door. No! No! It’s the plumber once more.
Round three.
Round four.
Please! Please! No More!
Finally they agree. It needs a new gasket. We all see. A simple replacement part. (Can they order me new hands…mine are becoming quite like dishpans!)
The gasket, the gasket. It’s here! It’s here? Delivered to my door. Oh joy what’s the score. A call to the store. Of course it came to you. We need you to tells us if it will do. Me?! Me?! Tell you? How would I know? What do you expect me to do? Come by the store? Whatever for? Why to bring us the gasket to fix your door. Bring it to you, so you can bring it to me. What kind of process is this?
To the store. Oh yes! To let off some steam. And blow a gasket. This is not a customer service dream.
The store manager assures that this will be resolved. He’s on the job.
One day, two day, three days more. Still no call…whatever more.
The day arrives and TDWOC repair is at my door. He has the gasket he got at the store. Repair is made and oh what a sight. The steam is rising to the left AND the right.
He’s on his way. Nothing for him to do. He’s scheduled to install a gasket and that’s what he’ll do. No matter that the problem’s not solved. He did what was scheduled and can do no more. Until WW2MSYAL comes to call.
Once more into the fray. Another day wasted. Another call to make. I don’t want an appointment to wait for the two. To come and tell me they still don’t know what to do. Send the plumber. Send two. Send an entire crew! But this is what I expect of you. Nothing elaborate. Nothing unfair. All I want is a dishwasher repair!
Phone calls exchanged. And things are arranged. The plumber repeats the familiar refrain. It’s the dishwasher! Doesn’t anyone have a brain?
It is agreed amongst the masses. From home improvement store, to triage, to warranty, to plumber all do agree. It’s the dishwasher. They finally schedule another service call. On day 63 expect us to be there to
- Install a gasket? No
- Install a dishwasher? No
- Pick this one option three – Make a phone call from your home to the manufacturer so that they know none of us is lying!
Can you see the steam? From the left and the right. It isn’t a pretty sight. Okay. Okay. One more day.
It’s one. It’s two. I’m waiting it is true. At three, but before four. I call them once more.
Irritated Heading Toward Irate and Irrational Customer #1 (Me): What is the plan where do we stand?
Customer No Service (Company It’s Not Us It’s You): We called but you didn’t answer, so we’ve moved on and we’ll have to reschedule!
Irritated and Irate Customer #1 (Me): NO! NO! NO! We have been here for hours upon hours. We have waited for days, weeks, and months. Get your guy here no ifs, ands, or buts…
Customer No Service (Company It’s Not Us It’s You): One moment please while we check to see if customer service is who and what we’ll be. One, two, three minutes, four, five, ten and twenty more…we’re sorry but it will inconvenience us. A reschedule is an absolute must.
Irate Customer #1 (Me): NO! NO! NO! Your supervisor please get on the line.
Supervisor at Customer No Service (Company It’s Not Us It’s You): How can I help you? (I can’t believe they said that!) Okay fine. Another day wasted. Another day lost. Enough is enough. Get your guy here by the end of the day.
I really do swear that I heard the woman say: “Yes. I can do that for you. Is there anything else you want me to do?” Get him here and get the job done. That is the priority my only one.
One hour, two hours more. No one is knocking at my front door.
One more call to customer no service I make.
Customer No Service (Company It’s Not Us It’s You): “I’m sorry. There must be some mistake. We knew three hours ago. He would never show. So how about next Tuesday between one and five…he could possibly, may be, hopefully arrive?”
Beyond Irate Customer #1 (Me): Why didn’t you call?
Customer No Service (Company It’s Not Us It’s You): Well I guess we should have after all. We knew at 3:51 pm we wouldn’t return. Oh well…what’s three hours. We are so sorry [Note completely insincere tone of voice]. We can reschedule you for NEXT Tuesday between one and five. [Hear the smile, feel the smile]
Beyond Irate Customer #1 (Me): Yeah, you do that. Schedule him I say. One to five on that very day. Now what is it that he will do?
Customer No Service (Company It’s Not Us It’s You): Oh you remember. He’ll make a call for you. To prove you’re not lying. That you have a dishwasher that is leaking steam. That’s 9 trips, 11 people, and 63 – no 70 days have passed. That you need a dishwasher because yours doesn’t work. Is there anything else I can do for you? No. Have a nice day!
Coat. Check. Hat. Check. Car keys. Check. Steam…lots of steam. Check. Out the door. Lock the door. Start the car. Now drive to the store.
Orbiting Planet Irate Customer #1 (Me): May I speak to the manager please.
Customer Service Associate: No problem…but he isn’t here. I can call the top guy on duty.
Orbiting Planet Irate Customer #1 (Me): Yes, do that for me.
Customer Service Associate: Sure no problem…just watch me.
Customer Service Associate: Hello. Mr. BBM (Big Box Manager) An unhappy customer wants to talk to you.
Mr. BBM 2: Okay. I’ll see what I can do. Hi how can I help?
Orbiting Planet Irate Customer #1 (Me): You see we have this dishwasher that doesn’t work…(I’m sure at this point you can fill in the blanks with intensity and please keep it polite…)
Mr. BBM 2: Well let me schedule someone to come out and take a look at….
Orbiting Planet Irate Customer #1 (Me): Stop! Stop! Stop right there…Here are your choices and choose wisely:
- Get a new dishwasher and get it installed – tomorrow.
- B. See A.
- See A.
- All of the above.
Mr. BBM 2: Well, what kind of dishwasher do you want?
Orbiting Planet Irate Customer #1 (Me): One that works! Get me the top of the line! That works for me, that will be fine.
Mr. BBM 2: Oh I can do that. A dishwasher isn’t the problem. Getting it installed will take some time.
Orbiting Planet Irate Customer #1 (Me): Please refer to options A through D.
Mr. BBM 2: One moment please and I’ll see what I can do….
Customer Service Associate: One minute, two minutes, 30 minutes more. If you’d like to take a seat, he’ll be a few minutes more.
Mr. BBM 2: Good news! We’ll be there between 9 and 11 am tomorrow…Associate P will be here bright and early to man the phone to make sure the installer will be there to install your new dishwasher…Of course if he is delayed or an issue comes up we’ll be sure to let you know…
I’ll let you know how things go…Once I get back from my trip. I’m going to visit the Uranus – the home of customer no service.
Now for the morale to the story…
Customers do business with businesses that make things work for the customer. They want the product to work. If it doesn’t, they want a no-hassle remedy of the situation. They do not care if you subcontract the work. It IS STILL YOUR responsibility to make it work for the customer. They do not want to know they are dealing with one, two, three, or thirty companies. They are buying from you. They have an issue. It is with you. Service stinks. It is your service that stinks. Someone is late or doesn’t show…it is your company that is late or didn’t show. There is no passing the buck… in your outsourcing or subcontracting isn’t working. Your business isn’t working. AND YOUR CUSTOMERS, REVENUES, and PROFITS are walking out the door. You rarely get a second chance with a customer you have alienated with shoddy or non-existent service. Personally, I have a long list of home improvement projects. Most would be considered big ticket items (decks, windows, appliances…) Will I be shopping at the big box home improvement store – no…not blue and not orange. I’ve seen red one too many times with both. Who will I call? Well, I know who I’m not calling…Hmmm…may be I’ll just buy a new house…
Copyright © 2007 F.O.C.U.S. Resource, Inc.
About Our Guest Columnist:
Lea A. Strickland, MBA CMA CFM CBM, is President/CEO of F.O.C.U.S. Resources. She is a contributing columnist to numerous national and regional publications. She is author of the book, Out of the Cubicle and Into Business and has appeared in Entrepreneur Magazine publications and on Entrepreneur Radio. She can be reached by phone at 919.234.3960 or email at lea@focusresourcesinc.com. For more background information and past articles for CarolinaNewswire.com, check out Lea's Archives as well as all our other guest expert columns
CarolinaNewswire.com provides the thoughts and analysis of this columnist as a free benefit to our readers but without any representations or warranties as to the accuracy or efficacy of such thoughts or analysis. The opionions, analysis, and thoughts expressed here are those of the author only and should not be deemed as medical, legal, financial, tax or other advice from this publication. Readers with such questions should consult a professional.
 Check out Lea's latest publication - SBIR Basics: The Numbers.
The book is the first in the F.O.C.U.S. Resources Funding Series: Small Business Grants and is written for the Small Business Innovation Research Program, which is a federal funding program providing millions of dollars each year in early stage funding for proof of concept and product development for small business.
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